Hopeless Dream
by xXShelraXx
Summary: Red John is dead, but Lisbon might be too. Double ending, based very loosely on the song "Almost Lovers" by A Fine Frenzy.
1. Chapter 1

**[A/N Since I've got a nasty case of the Writer's Block Rash for Silver Tears, Crimson Ribbon, I decided, what the heck. One more plot bunny will do me good. And since I'm in an angsty mood, this fanfic will be angsty. Originally it started out as strictly based on the song "Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy, but it sort of...evolved. **

**I wrote this up with two different endings. The first chapter is the same. The angstier ending is chapters two and three, and the happier ending is chapters four and five. The reason I did this is because I don't want people to hate me for having a really depressing ending, so I wrote a happier ending, but I also liked the angsty ending. So, what the heck, I just decided to put up two endings. The angstier ending is more based on the song than the happier ending.**

**I apologize in advance for any spelling or grammatical errors you may stumble upon. This is the kind of plot bunny that wouldn't let me sleep, so I finished this at about midnight.**

**Disclaimer: I am not Bruno Heller, and most definitely not A Fine Frenzy. Please. I'm not that talented.]**

Hopeless Dream

"It's okay, Lisbon. You're going to be fine," Jane whispered, his lips brushing against her ear. A flash of red passed through his vision, his ears ringing, as he fell to the earth with her, holding her in his arms as he knelt.

_She will be fine. She will be fine. I _love _her__. She'll be fine. _Jane told himself.

Lisbon let out a crooked smile, though Jane could see the pain contorting her expressions.

Jane could hear Cho speaking to into his cell phone, calling paramedics. None of the team attempted to join Jane as he held Lisbon. Soon, they all knew, though, he would simply be holding Lisbon's body if paramedics did not get there fast.

As Jane stared into Lisbon's eyes, he applied pressure to the deep wound in her side. He paid no attention to the blood on his hands. All he knew was that if Lisbon didn't get through this, he wouldn't either. Her blood was his, too, and her soul draining was Jane's.

The flashing ambulance lights practically blinded Jane, but the sirens were muffled. Jane never tore his gaze away from Lisbon's as the paramedics loaded Lisbon onto a stretcher, and he followed into the ambulance.

Before the back ambulance doors swung shot, Jane took one more glance at the crime scene outside. Red John lay on the ground, dead. Rigsby comforted a shocked Grace, who was shivering and crying and a complete mess. Cho was being stoic, but Jane could sense his composition wavering as he helped Grace into the CBI vehicle, climbing into the driver's seat to follow the ambulance.

Then the doors shut, and Jane's attention turned back to his best friend, his almost lover who was surrounded by doctors trying to stop the bleeding, trying to save a life. An amazing, extraordinary life. Jane, for not the first time in his life, felt helpless. THere was truly nothing he could do to help. So he simply clutched Lisbon's hand, trying to pretend that he could not feel it slowly falling slack.

The hospital was swiftly approaching, and Jane knew that this might be his last chance. So he leaned forward, pressing his lips swiftly and lightly to Lisbon's, before pulling away quickly as the ambulance came to a screeching stop.

**Xxxx**

Jane sat in the hospital waiting room, his head in his hands and the team around him, sitting close enough so that Jane could reach out and get comfort if he needed it, but far enough so as not to intrude. Grace had been treated for her shock, but was still a little shaky. But, then again, the whole tem was.

Jane knew the doctors were fighting for Lisbon's life in there. Everyone knew. Nobody dared to say it out loud, though. Not a soul.

As Jane stared into the distance, the memories came flooding back of the past few hours. Everything had a tinge of red.

_"We're going to get him this time," Lisbon told Jane in the car. "We will. He can't get away." Jane turned to look at Lisbon as she drove and spoke at the same time. He could see the same hope in her eyes. The hope that everything would soon be over._

_Had he known what was to come, he may have thought it better for things to be the same at the beginning than to have this ending._

_Jane, unlike most raids, did not stay hidden under the cover of foliage. Instead, he was right there with Lisbon at the front, fully prepared to kill Red John on sight, Lisbon was right. There was no escape today._

_A slamming of doors. A gasp of faux surprise. Gunshots. More gunshots. A scream. Lisbon's scream, short but in pain. A streak of red, and a single last gunshot, then silence. _

_This is all Jane remembers of the next moments. Suddenly, Red John is on the ground. There is fear in Van Pelt's eyes, a gun in her hands. In Jane's hands, there is nothing but blood. Whose blood it was, Jane did not yet know. _

_Grace, trembling, dropped the gun to the ground. Rigsby rushed to her side, and Cho pulled out his cell phone._

_"Jane," The frailness of Lisbon's voice frightened Jane. He turned his head, seemingly in slow motion, though it passed by all too quickly, to where Lisbon was struggling to stand, her hands clutching her side, where her shirt was stained crimson. "He got me."_

_Jane was there to catch her when she fell._

Jane hadn't always been there to catch Lisbon when she needed him to, but he had been at the most important moments. And now, sitting in the waiting room, breathing in all the antiseptic, Jane half expected Lisbon to be there catching him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder to let him know he wasn't alone.

But she wasn't there, and she might never be there again.

Hours passed. Rigsby left to het food, which nobody ended up eating, and nobody included Rigsby. For though Red John was gone, nobody in the waiting room was thinking Lisbon's life was a fair trade, and food would not aid their stomachs in attempting to figure out what was going on.

Finally, after an eternity, a doctor emerged from the operation room.

the team immediately and simultaneously jumped up and rushed to the surgeon.

"How is she? Is she alive?" _Please, please let her be alive. _Jane prayed to the God he wasn't even sure was there.

The surgeon blinked, and then replied.

And the ringing in Jane's ears started up again.


	2. Angsty Ending Part 1

**[A/N: Holy crap. I seriously wasn't expecting that many reviews or followers in the first chapter, seeing as this is just a writers block fic. Wow. Thank you all so much. Y'all are amazing.**

**Disclaimer: I woke up today ad discovered I was Bruno Heller and owned the Mentalist. Not.]**

The doctor cleared his throat and blinked uneasily. "I'm so sorry," he said gently as possible. "We did everything we could, but..."

The surgeon continued to talk and give apologies, but Jane's ears blocked it out with loud ringing, and soon the doctor's face was blocked out too as Jane's eyes filled with red.

"Why couldn't you save her?" Jane muttered.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" The surgeon hadn't quite caught what Jane was saying.

"I said, why didn't you save her?!" Jane's voice grew with rage. The surgeon began to reply, but Jane cut him off. "You should have saved her! Lisbon was important! She died because of me! You hear that? She died because of me!" People were beginning to stare, but Jane was nowhere near finished. "I loved her, and she died and it was my fault... You should have saved her. I loved her. I lived Teresa, and I'm not afraid to say it. Red John can't hear me now!" Jane exclaimed with a final bellow, then broke into silent tears, as he could not muster up the strength to properly sob his soul out.

He felt a delicate hand on his shoulder. Grace. He and Grace had always been the closest to Lisbon in the team.

Jane finally took a glance at the team's faces. All were full of sorrow, but Jane could also tell that he was suffering the most.

Patrick sank into one of the waiting room seats. To no one in particular, he said quietly with his throat tight. "I can't stand another smile on the wall, I just can't."

Nobody told him that there were no smiles this time, only tears.

Xxxx

Jane spent the next few days at the CBI, sleeping in Lisbon's office as he clutched one of the sofa pillows as he tried to fend off the nightmares. The pillow calmed him when he woke up screaming. It smelled of Lisbon, that distinct cinnamon and citrus smell she would always carry with her.

He almost didn't go to the funeral. But, when Tommy asks him to both speak and be a pallbearer, Jane felt that he couldn't refuse it.

He needed to do it for her, because it is what she would want.

Xxxx

The funeral was at a small Catholic Church building, and it was beautiful. The team was there, Minelli and Bertram, too. Lisbon's brothers made an appearance with Annie there as well, but Mashburn didn't bother showing up, and just as well too, as Jane wouldn't have liked that.

Jane wore a three piece suit as always, but for the occasion he had donned a tie, shaved off his stubble, and combed his hair nicely. With almost a laugh, he wondered what Lisbon would have said if she had seen him all cleaned up. She'd probably tease me, Jane thought, remembering all those teasing times fondly.

In the viewing room, Lisbon's monogamy coffin sat. Jane at first did joy wish to see her body, as he wanted his last memory of her to be happy, joyful. However, he told himself, it was best he said his goodbyes.

She was beautiful, her hair spread out under her head, her eyes closed. Jane simply stared at her, believing for a moment that she would sit up and tweak his nose for staring at her.

She didn't.

He lightly traced her cheekbone with his hand, feeling the tears start to well in his eyes.

If he had one wish, he would have used it to make her smile, just one more time.

Tommy and another of Lisbon's brothers spoke, followed by a beautiful musical number by Annie on the piano, and it was Jane's turn to speak.

He shuffled up to the pulpit, having not even a notecard in his hand.

"I'm not sure how to start this." He stared out into the audience, willing himself not to cry. He took a deep breath, combed a hand through his hair, and then continued to speak.

"So I guess I'll just start by telling you who Lisbon was. I know when someone dies, you're supposed to forget about all of there flaws and mistake they ver made, and say they were the most perfect person you have ever met. But I swear, if I say that about Lisbon, her ghost is going to come punch me in the nose. Again." This provoked a small, reminiscing laughter to ripple through the room.

"Teresa Lisbon definitely wasn't perfect, but she was pretty darn close. She was a saint, and a goody two shoes. She was sad, but she was also happy at the same time, if that makes sense. She was fiery and brash, but she genuinely cared about people, too. I think that's what I loved about her the most.

"That's another trait Lisbon possessed, was that you just had to love her. I can't tell you how many times I've seen Cho and Rigsby have to hold her back from beating me up, imagine that, two muscular men holding back a hundred pound woman, and I just want to laugh and tell her that I love her.

"When I heard the news that she had died, I saw her in my mind and I went to her office and pretended that she was still there. I pretended for I don't know how long, because," his throat tightened and tears swam in his vision, "because I knew that the last thing I ever wanted to see was her smiling face.

"Everyone who knows both Lisbon and I know that we have a... unique relationship." This caused another ripple of laughter. "We would aggravate the heck out of each other, and lie to each other, or try to lie to each other, but at the end if the day we would always be just not able to wait until the next day so that we could see each other's face again. And it breaks my heart... It breaks my heart that I will never see her smile again.

"I love you, Teresa Lisbon, and if there is life after death, I hope to come see you in heaven one day, if that's where I'll go.

"You people want to know something you've probably already deducted from this? Teresa was my best friend, she was willing to sacrifice her job, and even her life for me... And for that I am eternally grateful." He stepped down from the stand.

After a prayer, everyone stood.

And the coffin closed.


	3. Angsty Ending Part 2

**[A/N So this is the last chapter of the angsty ending, and then we get to the happier path that doesn't involve death. Sorry this chapter's so short, I just wanted to provide a little bit of closure and this seemed like a fine amount. Short, sweet, and to the point.]**

The team didn't hear anything of Jane after that. He had disappeared, taking one of the main joys of working at the CBI with him.

Jane, though, knew where he was. At least, he knew where he was physically. Emotionally or mentally though, is a completely different story.

He never fully recovered after the death of Lisbon, no matter how much he tried. He would travel around, looking for something, but what? Just something to fill the hole in his heart that had been there since Lisbon was away.

He went to the ocean, to the sea, everywhere. But still, he couldn't even drive at night or wake up in the morning without Lisbon or Red John on his mind.

There wasn't anything to do anymore.


	4. Happy Ever After Ending

**[A/N: So this is the last chapter in the story. I know I said in the first chapter that each ending would have two chapters, but I decided to just cram these two together.**

**Thanks to all of those who have reviewed, followed, and even favorited this short story. You guys are friggin amazing and awesome and I love you all.**

**Just an apology in advance for any grammatical mistakes in this chapter. I'm tired and didn't want to check this. If something about chainsaws as monkeys suddenly appears, blame autocorrect.] **

The doctor cleared his throat. "She's in critical condition still, but she's out of surgery and holding on her own. There's a good chance she'll pull through this with little to no lasting effects."

Jane's ears began to ring again as the realization hit him. A grin spread slowly across his face. She was alive! She was going to be all right! Lisbon, his Lisbon, was going to be just fine.

"When can I see her?" He asked the surgeon.

"Only family can see her web she's still in the ICU, but-"

"We're her family." Jane cut the doctor off, staring him straight in the eye, the joy tinged with seriousness. The rest of the team had the same feelings towards this, and stared at the surgeon pleadingly along with Jane.

The doctor still seemed hesitant, but then Grace said softly, "We're gonna get in to see her either way, so you might as well just give us permission."

The doctor softened, sighing. "Fine. You still can't see her for a while, though. She hasn't been deemed stable yet."

Xxxx

Later, the doctor returned to give Jane and the team the word to follow him, that they could see Lisbon now.

They crowded around her hospital bed, cramped inside the small curtained off area of the ICU.

"She's under a lot of painkillers," a nurse explained. "She might be a little out of it."

Jane grinned. Under any other circumstance, he would most likely use this to his own advantage and weasel secrets out of her that he hadn't quite caught yet. But he figured that being surrounded by the team and a bunch of doctors in a very urgent section of the hospital after having just witnessing the death of his mortal enemy was neither the time nor the place for such trickery.

"Hey, boss," Cho was the first to speak.

Lisbon's eyes fluttered open slowly. She didn't say anything at first, simply glanced around with an exhausted tint in her eye.

"Hi," she finally replied.

"I'm so glad you're all right." "Are you feeling okay?" Grace and Rigsby spoke at the same time.

"Thank you and I'm pretty sure I'll be fine." Lisbon smiled a loopy smile.

Everyone was silent for a second, and Lisbon turned her head to look at everyone. For the first time, she seemed to notice Jane, and her eyes softened.

"Jane," she stated. It wasn't a question, nor an exclamation, but more of a statement. Jane was there. In her hospital room. Jane grinned at her.

Cho, Grace, and Rigsby took that as their cue to get the heck out of there before Jane and Lisbon began to talk about things that would be awkward for the team to hear.

When the team left, Jane gently took Lisbon's hand in his own. Lisbon didn't pull away like she normally would, which Jane saw as a major plus.

"How are you?" He asked. "Truthfully."

Lisbon sighed slightly. "It hurts." She admitted. "Just a little bit, but it does."

"That's not surprising at all," Jane flashed one of his grins, and he was overjoyed when Lisbon blushed slightly and looked away.

Thy talks about anything and nothing, but before long Lisbon began to yawn.

"You're going to get better," Jane whispered as she began to close her eyes. "I promise." He leaned down and kissed her hand, squeezing it then standing.

Xxxx

And Lisbon did get better eventually. She left the hospital, graduated from physical therapy, and moved right back into her CBI office.

Things weren't the same between Jane and Lisbon after that. Sure, they still treated each other the same, with Jane grabbing Lisbon's hand to check her watch and Lisbon complaining to Jane about Jane, but things were more relaxed. Many a time the two could be seen after work getting dinner together, and at times when Jane was happy he would give Lisbon a peck on the cheek.

For things were good now, better than ever.


End file.
